Basak Anil - Apparent

✋ I am bored

A while ago, a dear Twitter friend confided in me with a parenting challenge she had been having. Her 3-year-old son always seemed bored. He was also clingy. When his mom offered an activity, he refused to play for longer than 5 minutes. Living in a 9-person family, he'd play

How to approach a kid's boredom

It's hard to fight our urge to entertain our kids when we hear the sentence, "Mom/Dad, I'm bored!" But some boredom is great for kids. Here's how to approach it.

letters

? Perfectly imperfect

When I hit a parenting dead end, it's rarely about my kid—it's often about me. I see parenting as an opportunity for deep internal work. No wonder it's so hard! No meaningful work is easy. But there's one simple tool at our disposal: embracing the imperfect. Mess, tears, and

7 intentions for mindful parenting

Our intentions guide our actions. Take a look at these 7 intentions for mindful parenting and start creating yours.

letters

? Decision is mine

A few weeks ago, a friend I care about said he didn't agree with everything I wrote about parenthood. Curious to know what he was specifically referring to, I asked him to tell me more. He said: "Sometimes when I read your posts I feel you err too much on

4 reasons why you should place boundaries, not consequences

No matter how mild it sounds, a consequence is a form of punishment. Like all other punishments, its main goal is to control behaviors. There's a better way.

letters

?️ Pleased to please

This week we have twice as many readers as last week! I welcome you with all my heart and extend my gratitude for finding my Apparent Letter worthy of your inbox. ❤️ My piece on sleep training resonated with you guys so much that it got a fair number of retweets

How to avoid turning your child into a people-pleaser

Although people-pleasers neglect their own needs, it's a strategy for being loved and accepted. Find out how to avoid turning your child into a people-pleaser.

5 questions to ask yourself to improve your child's sleep

Sleep is one of the most complex behaviors of the human body. If we look deeply enough, we can find room for improvement in our parent-child relationship that will help our children sleep better.

letters

? 30 million years

Last week I found myself clenching my jaws while reading a post on Twitter. The author was talking about the perks of "sleep training." It had clearly worked for her and she wanted to share her "tips and tricks" so that other parents could get the "8-hour-long-periods of sleep" she'd

Why you shouldn't sleep train

Sleep training has not been designed to put your child's developmental needs first. Here's the origin of sleep training and why you should avoid it.

letters

? Enough is enough

Do you ever worry about being a bad parent? If the answer is yes, you probably aren't one. Here's some shocking news: children actually benefit from imperfect parenting. Let me explain. In 1953, Donald Winnicott–the legendary British pediatrician and psychoanalyst–coined the term "good enough mother." I'll call it

Why you shouldn't make your kids share their belongings

Tensions created over sharing are perfect opportunities to teach our kids valuable life lessons. But forcing them is not the way to go. Here are some ways to raise good sharers.

letters

? Play with me

Imagine a magic device. This device would receive our children's cues and translate them into words that we, adults, could make sense of. For instance, it would translate: "I hate you, dad!" into "I love you but I am mad at you at the same time, so I'm confused!"The

3 surprising reasons why our children want to play

Play has an irreplaceable role in children's development. It is an attempt to learn, express, and communicate. In this article, you will find out the 3 reasons why children play.

letters

?️ You have power

A few weeks ago, I thought of something during a walk. Like all good ideas, it came to me when I wasn't searching for it. "When parents manipulate children to have them under control," I thought, "it's a form of gaslighting." Simply put, gaslighting is to systematically convince someone that

Are you gaslighting your children?

Gaslighting is about showing a child that their own judgment can't be trusted. Are you wondering if you are unintentionally gaslighting your children? Here is all you need to know.

15 surprising things not to say to our children

"Good job, I'm proud of you, you didn't mean to hurt your brother..." Do these sentences sound familiar to you? It might be wise to not use these anymore. Here's why.

letters

?️ Under my control

Question 1: What is the sound of one hand clapping? Answer: The sound of one hand clapping is the sound of one hand clapping. Question 2: What is the sound of one child misbehaving? Answer: The sound of one child misbehaving is the sound of one child misbehaving. Question 3:

The illusion of control and how it affects our parenthood

Our brains tend to find cause and effect relationships in events even when there is none. This tendency has a name in psychology: the illusion of control.

letters

? Curious about you

I passed him his tiny milk cup. He grabbed it and turned it upside down. Just like that, the milk spilled on his tray. I was confused. He was proud. A huge grin filled up his face. I filled up his cup again. He turned it upside down again. But

3 ways to pay attention to your children

We want to pay more attention to our children but this is easier said than done. Luckily, there are ways to start paying more attention to our children right now even when life pulls us at different directions.

letters

☠️ Safe than sorry

“It was a tragedy of errors. Fourteen-year-old Matilda Crabtree was just playing a practical joke on her father: she jumped out of a closet and yelled "Boo!" as her parents came home at one in the morning from visiting friends. But Bobby Crabtree and his wife thought Matilda was staying

letters

? Closing the tabs

My boy was never a great sleeper. Our 15-month-long experience was consistent: no matter what adjustments we made, he woke up quite frequently. Some months, he woke up every hour. And some other months he woke up every two hours. This is pretty much the summary of the entire thing.

What would a mindful parent do? 5 qualities of mindful parenting

Although there are no strict guidelines for mindful parenting, there are some qualities of it that we can incorporate in our parenting right this day. Here are the 5 qualities of mindful parenting.