? Let it go

Am I an anxious parent? I see myself as an aware parent. But I wonder: Is my close-to-constant awareness bringing along some anxiety? This week I wanna think this aloud with you.

My 21-month-old is soon to start daycare 2 half-days a week and I'm NOT feeling great about this. He's fine. In our meeting with his teacher last month, he seemed quite comfortable, walking inside the building all by himself, exploring the space, wanting to be picked up by his teacher... You name it.

Me? Not so much.

Will he lose his independent attitude? Will he be forced to blend in? Will his teachers "get him?" Will he feel lonely when no one gets him?

I've been having other worries. For the past week, we've been staying with the extended family. After at least 4 consecutive months of quarantining as the little mom-dad-toddler trio that we are, our son, when rejoined with his grandparents and aunties, started not to fancy his dad and me as much as he did when we were alone.

I reminded myself, "Okay, this shows that he's feeling safe in our relationship. It's a good sign that he's freely exploring new relationships," and I chilled.

I'd been considering these worries that came and go to be normal.

Until this week.

This week I choose to look at it from another angle: What if I let it go?

What if he really had had enough of us and wants to hang out with other people for a change?

What if he is excited about the new space and new objects that surround him and doesn't care about us as much?

What if he's just enjoying himself?

What if I let things go?

Letting go feels good. We're doing fine. We'll be fine.

What can you let go of? Find it. And then let it go.

You will be fine. And so will your little one.

P.S. Well said, Elsa. :)

? Remember

“Mothers don’t need to be perfect, and can’t be. The perfection, when there, is supplied through the eyes of the child—who, when the mother does a good-enough job meeting his or her basic needs, feels total adoration.

This is helpful, because when you’re totally dependent on someone, you want to believe that person can do the job.

To overlook the slips and lack of perfect attunement and accentuate the positive is both good psychological strategy and good evolutionary strategy, since the child’s good feelings also help the mother bond to the child.”

—excerpt from “The Emotionally Absent Mother” by Jasmin Lee Cori.

? Read

3 surprising reasons why children want to play:

Play is an attempt to learn, express, and communicate. Learn more about the 3 reasons why children play: closeness, confidence, and emotional recovery.

? Watch

Why rewards are bad for kids + What to do instead

Playfulness is a great alternative to giving rewards. Find out how.

? Laugh

? Grow

Consider becoming a premium member to support Apparent, learn emotional coaching, become calmer, and lead your child's brain and emotional development to its full potential. » Become a member

Here's a preview of some of the member-only content. :)

Meditation: Where do you feel the stress?

In this episode, you practice noticing your sensations, feelings, and thoughts in a stressful moment.

That's it for today! ❤️

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Let me know what you think! Always here for you: on Twitter and at basak@apparent.today. Or just reply to this e-mail.

See you next week!

Love, Basak.