Why all parents should learn about attachment
Learning about attachment can transform your parenting. Find out why.
Attachment is the #1 topic you should know about if you are a parent or if you have interest in becoming a parent some day.
Attachment is different than attachment parenting
Before we begin, let's make it clear that attachment is different than attachment parenting.
Attachment parenting is a parenting philosophy created by Dr. William Sears and Martha Sears.
Attachment, on the other hand is a broad concept explaining the bond between two people. Attachment is not dependent on any certain parenting behavior.
What's attachment?
Attachment is the way we meet our needs in relationships. It starts in infancy, when our relationship with our caregivers begin.
The way our caregivers meet our needs becomes a model for other relationships we form in life. It shapes our relationship with ourselves and other people.
If you have a secure attachment, you have a deep feeling that the world is a safe place. If you have an insecure attachment though, you might struggle with relationships for a lifetime.
How many of us are securely attached?
Today, only 60% of adults have a secure attachment. That means 40% of all people live with some form of an insecure attachment.
Insecure attachment is not a defect though. It's an adaptation for survival.
If we can help more parents learn about attachment, we can unlock the potential for a 100% securely attached generation.
Attachment will improve your parenting in several ways.
1. Learning about attachment = learning about relationships.
Attachment is a compass for navigating relationships.
- What needs are there in relationships?
- How to meet these?
- What happens if we miss the point?
- How to repair?
By learning how to form a secure attachment, a parent understands the essentials of building a healthy relationship.
2. Attachment knowledge helps parents prioritize their kid's needs over everything else.
When parents start seeing relationships from an attachment perspective, meeting their children's needs in healthy ways becomes their top priority — especially in the early years.
3. Parents who know about attachment can mute the false narrative coming from the society.
Tuning in to children's needs is the first parental instinct. But the outdated parenting advice about creating spoiled, entitled or ungrateful kids confuses parents.
When parents know how attachment works, they can act with more self-confidence.
4. Securely attached children do better in life.
Studies show that securely attached children do better at school, have better relationships, and are physically healthier.
What's better is, a secure attachment to one caregiver is enough to enjoy these benefits.
Secure attachment is something all future generations deserve.
A secure attachment base is the best gift we can give to our kids today — to form healthier relationships with others and to recognize and meet their own needs better as they grow up.
Attachment styles transcend generations. The way we offer parenting doesn't only affect our children but their children and grandchildren too. This means, a secure attachment can be our ultimate legacy.
We have a new ebook on Attachment!
So much practical knowledge for parents. You'll find out the theory and science of attachment, but you'll also understand how it shapes our relationship with ourselves and our kids — and later on, our kids' relationship with themselves and others. It's the essence of how we bond.
Attachment for Parents: The Science of Human Connection
Basak Anil
Apparent aims to help every parent in the world become an emotional coach for their children. We pack mindful parenting, psychology, and neuroscience insights into a weekly letter and ebooks.